U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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