last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
