I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
