I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
