Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize