Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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