WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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