I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
