Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
