Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
