he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
