I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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