Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
