Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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