the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
