i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
