Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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