The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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