I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
