i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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