He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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