I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I party with great urgency now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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