His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
