Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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