He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
