it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
