im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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