You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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