Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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