i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
