I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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