it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Let's get the cat blown out
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
