You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
