If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Terrible idea I love it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
