I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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