dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
