please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize