my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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