im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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