i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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