dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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