I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
