Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
