Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
