so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Hippo gnu deer
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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