I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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