I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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