walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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