so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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