who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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