I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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