If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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