Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
