my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
