She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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