After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
