pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want a musical about memes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
