he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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