Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
