Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
