3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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