hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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