the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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