Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
