So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
