That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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