It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
